The importance of feeling your feelings
The importance of feeling your feelings
I know how easy it is when you’re intentionally trying to be more positive about things to try and ‘force’ it and not allow yourself to really feel your feelings.
You think that when you’re feeling a bit rubbish to try and push it down as far as it will go and suppress it is the ‘right’ thing to do.
But that’s not actually the best idea…at all.
It can actually be a very bad move and one that can really affect your health in the long run.
Yes it’s absolutely important to know how to get out of a bad mood or when you’re feeling negative about things when you WANT to and when you’re ready to.
All the tools and techniques that I give you are there for you in those moments.
Sometimes there’s more to it
BUT sometimes there’s more to it and these negative feelings are our minds way of trying to tell us something MUCH bigger and we need to know when to listen to them.
When nothing seems to be working and the feelings are being SUPER persistent, that’s when you know you need to prick your ears up to what’s going on for you.
Get curious about what’s potentially going on
Negative feelings can alert you when things are ‘off’ or ‘not right’ and it can also be a GREAT motivator for change too. Change only happens when the pain of staying where you’re at becomes more painful than the change itself…thank you to Tony Robbins for that gem.
You’re a human being, and we feel things. So allow yourself to feel whatever it is you’re feeling but the important part is the constant ‘what’s going on here’ curiosity of it and the subsequent choices that then come from that.
Also, bear in mind that the more you ‘battle’ with negative thoughts the more of them you are inviting in.
Sometimes you just need to sit with them for a little bit, have a sushi roll into your duvet and eat the Ben & Jerry’s (Cookie dough is my choice just FYI), it really can be the best way to move through them sometimes.
To accept that you aren’t going to be productive, you don’t want to speak to people and you just want a moment to wallow.
It could just be the rest that you need…that your body and mind have been trying to tell you for a while that you need…but you’ve ignored it, so now it’s forcing you.
It’s just about identifying when that’s the case…and not just giving yourself an excuse to eat Ben & Jerry’s…you have to be really honest with yourself!
It’s completely normal to have bad days.
Totally normal to have an initial negative reaction to a situation.
It’s about understanding that what happens next really is your CHOICE and if you’re using all the tools and tricks and it isn’t working, asking yourself what’s REALLY going on.
Honesty time…Last week I got myself into a real pickle (yep it can happen to me too, I am also human!).
I realised I hadn’t been looking after myself as much as I should have been and was heading perilously close to the ominous edge of burnout (there may have been tears!).
I’m very self aware and I know I have a tendency to believe i’m superwoman and I genuinely believe I can do ALL the things…but it doesn’t mean a) I should or b) that I have to.
The house renovation was something I hadn’t been able to plan for (just a lick of paint he said ha!)…and we all know how I like a plan. So it threw me.
I realised that while we’ve been doing it up (since May 3rd!) I’d pretty much ‘forgotten’ to take any time for me. It was work, house, work, house and that was pretty much it, I was constantly go, go, go.
This meant I didn’t have evenings or weekends to just CHILLAX! It wasn’t happening.
Now, there’s only so long your brain can sustain that level of activity.
Every part of my body and my mind were screaming at me to stop.
Give yourself a break!
My saving grace is that i’m SUPER strict on getting my 8 hours so at least I knew I was getting the sleep I needed but often that isn’t enough.
You need those moments where you’re not doing anything on the to-do list, the moments where you don’t actually have to use your brain and I know that when I start to feel a bit ‘funky’ (not in the soul sense) and all my many lovely tools aren’t working their magic like they usually do that there’s something bigger at play.
It’s like a bit…’Hang on a minute’ lightbulb moment.
So I was faced with a choice.
Carry on carrying on and head over the burnout cliff.
Continue TRYING to be productive and get things done when my brain is already at capacity and genuinely not ‘allowing’ me to.
Or…start working WITH my brain…Cook my husband dinner, crack open a lovely bottle of malbec and belt out some show tunes.
Which do you think I did?
Correctomundo…I cooked the chef a delicious (even though I do say so myself!) spaghetti bolognaise and treated him to some spectacular renditions of The Little Mermaid and The Greatest Showman with a little Lady and the Tramp thrown in for good measure.
Now, I’m not saying that my ‘things’ will work for you…but you get what I’m saying here.
Sometimes in admitting what momentarily feels like ‘defeat’ can be the very thing that can get you right on track and propel you forwards.
As always it’s about awareness!
I was talking to one of my mastermind ladies about this last week. It’s the importance of awareness and really knowing yourself and knowing what you need and that will get you back on track.
Knowing when the feeling isn’t just a little bit of a moody moo you need to get out of, but a key moment where you need to be listening to your body.
What’s YOUR thing?
Now…show tunes are MY thing.
So let’s work out yours. What ALWAYS lights you up? What never fails to make you happy? Is it dancing? Singing? Both? Crafting? Reading? Going to the zoo?
Anything that you LOVE that allows you to switch off for a minute, remember what it feels like to have fun, spend time with your loved ones guilt free.
Whatever it is for you I encourage you to keep a list and when you’re feeling frustrated, unproductive, emotional, heading straight towards overwhelm but it’s been niggling at you for a long time then listen up.
Go do one of those things for an evening, even just an hour but REALLY give yourself a break it’s hugely important. Let your body and your brain have a rest so you can get back on track and back to being you.
It’s just about learning when to listen and allow yourself to feel your feelings and which ones are actually beneficial to you. Always ask, ‘could there be more to this feeling?’ ‘Have I been working too hard?’’Am I in line with my values?’ It’s all important to be aware of and know when to say, you know what…I’m going to give my heart what it wants and sing some show tunes, then back to it tomorrow!
If you know that now is the time to start changing things for yourself and want to explore this further, have any questions or want some accountability to make sure you’re doing the things you need to then please book in a free discovery call so we can see what needs to happen to get you from where you’re at right now, to the successful business owner you know you can be!!
P.S – Last question…Are you sick of self sabotaging and procrastinating on getting your business going? Would you like to learn some practical strategies to stop you procrastinating WHEN it happens so you can FINALLY get the things you NEED to do DONE? Download my FREE guide below and I’ll show you 5 simple strategies to stop procrastination in its tracks!
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Fran Excell, mindset coach for self sabotaging female entrepreneurs at www.franexcell.com