When Life Happens and You’ve Got to show up!
We’ve all been there. We’ve got a TONNE to do and then….life happens.
A spanner in the works, the proverbial hitting the fan if you will.
We can slip right back into the negative thought patterns we’ve been trying to break and it affects every other area of our lives.
This is something that has been coming up a huge amount at the moment, with clients and in other membership groups I’m a part of.
And with full transparency, because I’d be doing you a disservice by not sharing, this is something I’ve been dealing with myself this week after some bad news from home, on top of some other not so great news!
In a week where I have two speaking gigs, my glorious clients to show up for and all sorts else on that I want to make sure I show up as my best self for so I pulled out all the stops on my mindset party tricks but I also allowed myself a moment! A few days in fact.
So it got me pondering about what I wanted to share with you, what you can take from it and to talk you through some of the things I do when ‘life happens’.
Because the thing is, life happens to all of us at some point.
It could be something big like receiving some bad news in your personal life, an unexpected obstacle, someone’s let you down or something smaller that ends up feeling huge like those little annoyances that throw you off track but then another happens, and another happens. It could be a number of things but they can all have the same effect over how we then show up for ourselves and our businesses.
The two key things I’ve been seeing is firstly, people beating themselves up for not ‘thinking positively’ and being annoyed and frustrated at themselves for not being able to ‘snap out of it’ before they’ve actually looked at the problem head on.
And the second is guilt associated with not feeling able to show up for their business. Especially when the industry keeps telling them to be consistent leaving them feeling like everything will fall to pieces if they don’t get a blog or an Instagram post out one week.
It’s really easy to feel the pressure at times like this.
Now the first thing I want to talk about is the frustration about not being positive polly.
As i’ve said before being positive 100% of the time is not what this stuff is about and it’s not sustainable so please, please don’t feel like you’ve failed if you’re having a bad day! (Read more about my thoughts on that here episode 16)
I’ve also talked about the importance of feeling your feelings (episode 35) before and how when we suppress and desperately try to get out of a negative headspace before we’ve actually dealt with it head on it WILL show up elsewhere.
Sometimes you really do need a minute to process, to sushi roll into the duvet and just do nothing.
Your brain will make you procrastinate as a way of trying to get you to rest when you need to. You’ll know it’s because you need a break rather than you’re just avoiding something too because it feels different.
For me instead of the ‘I’m going to clean the whole house including the fridge’ procrastination, it’s more of an ‘I really want to do absolutely nothing and i’ve checked out’ kind of feeling. I really do just want to watch Netflix and actually CHILL!
The next thing to acknowledge in terms of the ‘guilt’ around not getting work done…When you’re in this frame of mind trying to do your work or make decisions is going to feel like pushing water uphill.
So for me, I let go. I just let go, know I’m not going to be productive, accept it and look after myself for a bit, with a time limit! That’s the important bit.
Work out what you have on, what really actually HAS to be done by when and then just give yourself a time limit to do nothing, to deal with what’s going on in a way that’s useful for you (not simply dwelling and making it worse!), give yourself a break, guilt free! Sounds simple….because it is!
So the things i’ve been doing to allow myself to feel the feels but NOT dwell and stay there look a little like this:
I have been alllllll about the self care. Making sure I get more sleep, bubble baths, meditation, reading, feeding my mind with positive things like inspirational podcasts and generally being in tune with what my body and my mind need in that moment, basically I LISTENED to myself. Your mind and body are a linked system so when you can actually tune into it, what your thoughts are saying, how you’re physically feeling you can start to work with it that much better!
Getting in nature
I know you’ll hear this SO often it’s become a bit of a cliche but SERIOUSLY there’s a reason so many people talk about it. Lots of dog walks, lots of views, the woods, the canal, fresh air and MOVEMENT. I love a mindful walk, it’s great for shifting your focus and ramping up those feelings of gratitude. It’s super easy to do. Just really start to notice everything around you and I like to do it sense by sense. What do I hear, what do I see, what do I smell, what can I feel. It’s basically a form of walking meditation and does wonders for the brain webs!
Talking to people
It’s so easy to retreat into yourself when you’re dealing with emotions but I know that does me no good. I’m a talker…in case you haven’t noticed. I’ve been arranging to see, talk to or just message some of my favourite people who always lift me up and can shift my focus to where I want it to be. This helps with gratitude again too, what and who you’re grateful to have in your life.
Chill out time
I’ve allowed myself some super chill time! My brain has kindly informed me I need to take it easy so that’s exactly what i’ve done.
Remember that the things that don’t go to plan or the obstacles that get in your way really help you build your resilience and your ability to bounce back even more quickly next time.
Music is one of the fastest mood shifter and focus changers for me. My car is basically my own personal performance space.
I have 2 playlists, one is called ‘sing along’ and one is called ‘mood lifters’. They are game changers for me. I know when I need to belt out a bit of Disney or ‘eternal flame’ and when I need to just listen to something that makes me smile and want to move. Both excellent state shifters.
You can’t make good decisions or be your most productive self from a negative state so it’s important to shift your state. (More tips in episode 6)
It’s important to sit with your thoughts, in a useful way, and ask yourself some important questions such as ‘Is there anything I can actually do about this?’, ‘What can I control?’, ‘What can’t I control?’ if there is something you can do, do it. If there’s not then that’s ok, feel what you feel, acknowledge there’s nothing you can actually do, look for the gratitude you can find in the situation (there will be something there!) and then follow some of the steps above!
When life happens, life happens. You’ll get through it, often coming out the other side stronger and more resilient but in the meantime please please don’t beat yourself up or feel guilty because it only does you harm. Listen to yourself and what you need and know that it won’t be this way forever.
If you got value from this and you know in your gut that now is the time to step up and start rewiring your thinking and changing things for yourself then book in a free discovery call so we can work out what needs to happen to get you from where you’re at right now, to the action taking success you know you can be!! If you want my eyes and ears on YOUR problems I work with people 1:1, through the Proactive Pants Programme and 1:1 full day intensives, stop waiting for if and when and decide to change things now!
Fran Excell, Subconscious Success Mentor – Helping Business Owners Overcome Self Sabotage & Get More Done In Less Time at www.franexcell.com
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