How to love yourself more

 In Brain Science, Coaching, Confidence, Happiness, Journaling, Mindset, Podcast, Thoughts

How to love yourself more

“The most powerful relationship you will ever have is the relationship with yourself.” – Steve Maraboli

Self love is SO important.  Lack of confidence and self doubt leading to all those pesky negative thoughts about yourself is something I need to work on with my clients all the time.

Positive foundations

To achieve anything BIG in life (big career change, starting a business, writing a book…you know, the big scary stuff!)you must build up the positive foundations first.  

If you’re in a negative space or doubting yourself you can see how it would be SO much more difficult to achieve the big stuff, Right?

Your relationship with yourself is also what dictates pretty much everything in your external world.  Your relationships, your job, your friendships, everything!

Self doubt

Self doubt and our relationship with ourselves is one of the BIGGEST things that holds us back in life.

Our belief in ourselves is also something that we absolutely NEED in order to achieve the big things we want to.

I struggled for decades with my relationship with myself and it ABSOLUTELY held me back from doing anything even vaguely out of my comfort zone.

Allllllll the thoughts would come up…you know the ones…

I’m not good enough.

I’m not pretty enough.

I’m not thin enough.

I’m not clever enough.

I can’t do that because…

I’d never be able to…

*Insert your regular offenders here!*

I want you to know that these are just gremlins…and I also want you to know that you can SHUT them UP!

It takes time and effort and it’s a challenge. You will be creating new neural pathways so that can’t happen overnight, but it’s SO worth it because once you’ve worked on your relationship with yourself, honestly…your WHOLE WORLD opens up!

You go after the things you’ve always wanted to.

Go for a huge promotion, change your career, start a business, write a book, whatever you’ve always said to yourself…’if only’!

You start to KNOW it’s possible, and possible for YOU.

You grow in confidence.

You actually start to BACK yourself.

You’re so much happier.

It really is all possible.

What’s even better is that once you can master this, you also show up for the other people in your life as the BEST version of you, you can serve THEM better by taking care of YOU and your relationship with yourself.

So HOW do you Increase self love?

Remember that NOBODY is perfect!

So give yourself a break.

Stop comparing yourself to others

Remember that in other people what you can see going on externally is not always what’s going on internally, it’s not always the WHOLE picture so try and reserve judgement.

Stop thinking looking after yourself is selfish

Remember the aeroplane analogy, you need to fit your own oxygen mask before trying to fit anyone else’s.  You have to take care of yourself first before you can show up in the best way for other people.  When did you last take some time for yourself, or to do the things YOU love?

It’s not you!  

Realise that with all that inner critic self talk that you’re doing…you’re not talking to yourself. You’re talking to your ego and your ego wants to keep you stuck and ‘safe’ right where you are.


I know, I know…eye roll…you hate it…you don’t have time!  BUT as a convert in my mid 30s (!) I finally realised what it was all about.  When you take time to look after your body it really does change how you feel about yourself.  Get a personal trainer or find a class that you love, try new things but the trick is not to think ‘I’ll do this for 3 months until I lose some weight’ the trick is to form the habit and turn it into part of your lifestyle, a non negotiable.  You will grow to love it…and you do have time…get scheduling and build around it 😉

Social shake down!

Unfollow people that make you feel bad and follow people who lift you up.  This is so obvious but such a game changer.  When you don’t see the things that bother you, they stop bothering you!


Journaling is an amazing tool for increasing self love and confidence. In your journal write a list of AT LEAST 20 things you like about yourself, then over the next week I want you to get to 100 and consistently keep adding to it as they come to mind. Be grateful about those things!

Take time for you.  

Become aware when you’re approaching that feeling of burn out, feeling cranky, negative and irritable, increase your self awareness and make sure you do something for you.  

Take up new hobbies.

Do something you LOVE.  The more you do the things that make you feel like you’re achieving, the better you will feel about yourself.

Push yourself out of your comfort zone.  

How amazing does it feel when you achieve something you didn’t think you could?  The more you do this the more of those moments you have and the more you grow in confidence, the more confident you are the more you believe in yourself, the more you believe in yourself the more you’ll achieve…do you see how this stuff works??

Challenge your thoughts.  

You don’t have to believe everything you say to yourself.  Challenge yourself…is it REALLY true? Look for evidence to prove that it’s not.  

Be kind to other people.  

Random acts of kindness is a Positive Psychology intervention.  If you take the time to do good things for other people, you will feel good.  It’s pretty simple!How many people can you make smile today?

Accept compliments.  

Even if it’s through those gritted teeth.  The more you do it, the easier it becomes, the more you believe it, the more it becomes your reality.

Be YOU.  

There’s only one of you on this whole planet, if you spend your time trying to be anybody other than unapologetically yourself you won’t be happy and you will always struggle with your relationship with yourself.

Remember this will take time.  You can’t un programme a lifetime of programming overnight but trust the process and work at it and you will see big changes in the way you feel about yourself and everything esle will grow from there!

Here is a short video where I’m talking about self love:

If you want to explore further or have any  questions come join me in my private community below…we’re a supportive bunch and love to help!


Fran Excell, Subconscious Success Mentor – Helping Business Owners Overcome Self Sabotage & Get More Done In Less Time at


Check out The Positive Pants Podcast here

Download your FREE Stressed To Success Meditation here

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