What stories are you telling yourself?
What stories are you telling yourself?
What ‘stories’ are you telling yourself?
As humans we are natural storytellers. We go through life telling them, believing them and picking them up from other people and our experiences as we go along.
But the ‘stories’ i’m talking about here aren’t necessarily the ones you might tell out loud.
Stories are beliefs
These stories are the things you fundamentally believe to be true…to the point you’d never challenge whether they’re even true.
They are fundamental beliefs that you have.
The thing is, the majority of the time the stories that we are telling ourselves are the very things that are holding us back and simply creating awareness of what they are can be enough to start moving forwards in life.
Stories are everywhere
These honestly affect every single area of your life.
What do you believe to be true about relationships, friendships, your own abilities, how easy it is to make money?
These stories are woven through every single aspect of our lives. They can be beneficial, but they can often be SO so damaging too.
When you have one, your brain will always actively give you the evidence that it’s true. As much as your brain can have some funny ways it’s trying to look after you it doesn’t half get it wrong sometimes.
Fundamentally it wants to ‘please’ you and affirm that you’re right. So that’s what you get…until you look for the evidence to the contrary!
Here’s a few of mine
Here’s a few stories that I had for decades that directly held me back from going after what I wanted.
‘I’m not pretty enough or thin enough to get a great relationship, job, run my own business, write a book, or do anything of any sort of significance really’.
‘I’m not clever enough and I’m no good with numbers so I couldn’t start a business.’ (Three stories rolled into one right there…from the girl who was in advertising sales and negotiated and handled multi million pound contracts for 14 years and now has her own business!)
‘I’m no good at learning!’ (It’s one of my FAVOURITE things and I collect qualifications like they’re stamps!)
‘I can’t be a coach because you can only coach people in person and within a 5 mile radius of where you live (errrrr…!This genuinely stopped me becoming a coach for 4 YEARS!!! Helloooooo Internet!)
‘I’m not good enough to write a book.’ (OK I may have procrastinated over it for about 15 years but it’s coming I promise!)
It’s all down to your stories
Where you’re at now is as a direct result of the stories you tell yourself. They’re ingrained deep into your subconscious mind.
The thing is…it’s usually all utter rubbish.
So what we need to do is we need to bring it from your unconscious and into your conscious mind.
Becoming aware of, identifying and challenging these stories is how and why I get to do all the things I do today.
Watch out for those sneaky positive negatives!
The other thing to watch out for with these stories is the positive payback the negative stories can have.
They allow other people to empathise with us, give us attention, sympathy, validation. It feels GOOD to feel understood right?
The trick is to be REALLY honest with yourself about which ones are serving you and which ones aren’t.
If there is a positive payback you need to decide which you want in your life because it’s holding you back but you do have a choice over which one you want more.
Start to become aware
Start to be aware of all of your ‘I can’t because…’ stories. Are they really true?
Go back to where you think this story came from, challenge it! You’ll find the majority of them are completely untrue.
Get your pen out!
The thing about stories though…as much as you can tell them and believe them…you also get to rewrite them!
They’re yours and nobody else’s!
You have the control and the power to change YOUR story, and you can start doing it today!
In your journal I want you to write down all the things you want to achieve. As many as you can think of.
Now next to all of those I want you to write down all the reasons you’ve been telling yourself that you can’t do or have those things in your life.
Take your time over this it’s like peeling an onion, there’s always another layer.
All the ‘I can’t because..’ and ‘not yet because…’ stories and beliefs. What are the things you’d love to do but have told yourself you ‘never could because…’, all the ‘i’m not…’ stories.
What stories are you telling yourself about your business?
Is it that you could never speak in public because you’re too shy, or do a facebook live, or write a book, or go to a networking event, or is it that you’re too ‘unlucky’ in life, or ‘people would never pay X for what I have to offer’, I’m far too busy, I don’t have time!!
Hint if you’re struggling
If you’re struggling you’ll often find them hidden in the stories you tell other people, and the ‘excuses’ you give other people about why you’re not doing or can’t have something that you want, the ways you justify not having them yet.
Like I said, these are the ways that you’re actually seeking validation from other people, if they agree with you it’s like a relief to your subconscious that it’s ‘OK’ to behave how you are.
Really go to town on this exercise because it’s SO important to identify these if you’re going to move past them and change your story.
Time for your new story
Now I want you to write out your NEW story, based in evidence that IS believable for you.
So ‘I’m not good enough to have a successful business’ can change to ‘There are plenty of other people running successful businesses who are less qualified than me so there’s no reason I can’t be just as successful if not more so.’
Turn it into a ‘well why the hell NOT me?!’
Find facts that support your new story and debunk your old one!
Be kind to yourself in this exercise and through this process.
These stories and beliefs won’t shift overnight.
You’ve been ‘knowing’ them to be true your whole life!
BUT shifting them WILL change your life so stick with it and be patient and then watch every area of your life grow exponentially.
When you do this work you will see change so quickly. You’ll see new opportunities, have new ideas, feel SO much less limited so it’s worth a little effort and discomfort right?
If you know that now is the time to start changing things for yourself and want to explore this further, have any questions or want some accountability to make sure you’re doing the things you need to then please book in a free discovery call so we can see what needs to happen to get you from where you’re at right now, to the successful business owner you know you can be!!
P.S – Last question…Are you sick of self sabotaging and procrastinating on getting your business going? Would you like to learn some practical strategies to stop you procrastinating WHEN it happens so you can FINALLY get the things you NEED to do DONE? Download my FREE guide below and I’ll show you 5 simple strategies to stop procrastination in its tracks!
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Fran Excell, mindset coach for self sabotaging female entrepreneurs at www.franexcell.com