The Secret To Confidence
The secret to confidence
I wanted to have a little chat today about the secret to confidence.
I have been LOVING leading the wonderful people who signed up through me, through Lisa Johnson’s one to many programme. It’s been sheer joy to be honest and I wanted to share with you why.
As a bonus I set up what I call our ‘secret squirrel’ group. This is a secret group away from the noise and one of the reasons I set it up was for people to feel safe to do the things that they were holding themselves back from.
Things like going Live, doing an intro, sharing content, testing things out, things they would worry about not being ‘right’ or ‘perfect’ if they were doing it straight away to their audience.
It’s something that can REALLY hold people back, I see it all the time.
They’ve got all these great ideas and great knowledge to share, but they don’t because of all the things underneath that.
The lack of confidence.
The fear of getting it wrong.
The fear of being judged.
The fear of stumbling over words, or not looking perfect.
All the gremlins that make me show up ‘messy’. I like to show people that typos in your content, fluffing up your words, losing your trail of thought, the dog walking in in a podcast recording.
There’s a method to my madness as to why I leave ALL that stuff in.
There’s a reason I’ll go on my stories and be honest about being in my jim jams or having no makeup, or slobbing on the sofa because it’s what my body tells me it needs, or being goofy.
Because that’s me. I had an existential crisis the other day on my instagram stories over whether an Avocado was legitimately a fruit or a vegetable.
I wasn’t along because 30% of you thought it was a vegetable.
Because it’s real.
Because it encourages you guys to do the same. To embrace the imperfect. To embrace your foibles. They’re what make you you. And they’re what make people want to learn from or buy from you.
If you were constantly waiting for things to be ‘in place’ or ‘perfect’ or to feel ‘ready’ or confident enough you’d never do it.
But that’s the kicker. If you’re waiting for confidence to show up you’ll be waiting for the rest of your life.
So, in this group I wanted to give them a little bit of an experience to show them what they were capable of doing.
I know a thing or two about how we tick, I know the things that hold people back, I know how much we internalise and personalise things and stop ourselves from taking action because of it. I also know how much we overcomplicate moving through it.
I also know how simple it can be to do so.
So I wanted to share a little secret about confidence for you.
The big secret, the magic pill that you want that will help you create all the confidence you need…is to take a deep breath and DO THE THING.
I know, I know…not what you wanted to hear but stick with me.
You already have that confidence and know how within you. Just not in the particular area that you’re holding yourself back in just yet.
But it IS in you.
How do I know?
There will be things you ARE confident about in your life. No matter how small they are. Think about what those things might be.
Maybe it’s confidence in your ability to do something, like a hobby. Maybe you’re confident you can bake or cook. Maybe you’re confident that you do a great job cleaning the house. Maybe you know you’re confident walking the dog.
It doesn’t matter what it is.
The bottom line is you know what it feels like to be confident in something. Therefore, it’s already inside you. It’s already part of your makeup! It’s something you can access.
And that lack of confidence is usually your ego’s way of trying to keep you safe. But when you show it evidence that it is. You’ll be off to the races.
So my point is, stop telling yourself you aren’t a confident person, it’s there.
The confidence comes from actually doing it. Combined with a little practice you’re good to go.
If you can push yourself through that yucky feeling barrier for the first time it’s never, ever going to feel that bad again.
This is what I’ve been proving in our secret squirrel group.
What I’ve actively been doing is encouraging, not forcing, them to do some ‘new’ stuff! Intros, to talk about their businesses, do their first lives.
And keep doing them, no matter how random the things are they want to say.
I’m actively encouraging them to make mistakes.
To let go of fear of judgement. To show up in the way you know you WANT to when you start doing it for your own audience.
And it’s been AMAZING. It’s genuinely been pure joy for me.
They all grabbed the bull by the horns. Spurred each other on, supported each other, gave honest feedback.
They are using the resources that they’ve been given and taken advantage of the opportunity to build their confidence and prove to themselves that they CAN do it.
They’re like flippin pros now and that’s in a week.
I can visibly see the confidence growing. I’m asking them to notice what they’re feeling internally because it’s all part of it.
Noticing the little physiological shifts.
It can be so quick when you provide your brain the evidence that it’s ok to take action.
This can be applied in SO many different areas of running a business and in life.
What many people try to do is think that confidence is something that someone else or something else can give them. Or do TO them. They make it an external thing.
It’s experiential. It’s internal. It’s visceral.
A few things you can do to get yourself over that first hurdle are making sure you BREATHE before you take action.
Sounds so obvious right? When we feel stressed about something our breathing can get more shallow. So notice. And breathe. Allow the breath to calm your nervous system so you aren’t so activated.
I used to use the 4-7-8-3 technique before doing something for the first time. I talk about it a lot. Breathe in for a count of 4, hold for a count of 7, breathe out for a count of 8 and repeat 3 times.
The other thing is to remember that as soon as you’ve done it for the first time it will get easier, and easier, and easier.
Remember that you already know confidence. You have confidence. It’s in you to access whenever you want. Bring a strong memory to mind of when you really felt your most confident, allow yourself to really be there and really feel it. Then do the thing.
So the message here is you really can do anything you’re telling yourself you can’t, before you feel you have the confidence to do it.
Support counts for a huge amount.
Surrounding yourself with people in the same boat counts for a lot.
Letting go of things having to be perfect and finding humour in the things that don’t quite go right and finding the lessons.
So I just wanted to share this with you today.
Because seeing this amazing group of people keep going, keep testing, practicing, showing up make up free, fresh up in the morning, fresh out the shower.
Visibly seeing the confidence grow and how quickly it can happen.
Just makes my heart sing.
Absolutely everyone starts somewhere.
The people you see today that you think exude confidence. Didn’t start there. They started where you’re at right now and pushed through.
The more you do the things you feel you don’t have the confidence for the more you show your nervous system that it’s safe to do these things and that confidence becomes more natural in other areas of your life, you’re wiring your brain for it.
You create new neural pathways to make it easier and easier.
So i’m sorry there isn’t really a confidence pill in the literal sense.
But I really do think this is just as good.
I would LOVE for you to do something outside your comfort zone today.
Whatever that might be.
If you do, tag me in on Instagram @imfranexcell and I’ll show it in my stories so other people can get inspired.
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Fran Excell, Mindset & Productivity Coach – Helping Business Owners Overcome Self Sabotage & Get More Done In Less Time at www.franexcell.com
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