Is The Fear Of Success Holding You Back?
Is The Fear Of Success Holding You Back?
Do you fear your own success?
You’re probably thinking, ‘WHAT? No, of course not, it’s everything i’m working towards why on earth would I fear getting everything I want, you crazy?’
Well, you might be surprised to know that this is one of THE most common fears that hold us back as business owners and often the hardest to spot for exactly that reaction.
Why WOULD you fear getting everything you’re working so hard for?
Well, on a conscious level you don’t really! That’s the problem
There may be a few little sneaky unconscious drivers at play that need to be identified so they can be challenged and told ever so politely to stop getting in your way.
We’re all working and striving for success so why on earth would we sabotage ourselves based on something we actually want?
Sounds bonkers right?
Well, if unconsciously you think that getting the success that you want would affect your relationships, your friendships or anything else for that matter in a potentially negative way then it starts to become easier to see why this may happen.
Fear of success is also one of the BIG reasons that we procrastinate, and we can’t work out why.
How do I know if I have a fear of success?
So, how do you identify a fear of success…and overcome it?
To identify it look at your behaviours currently in your business and really start to challenge what you’re telling yourself about why you’re doing them. A lot of these won’t be in your conscious thoughts BUT the REASONS and EXCUSES you’re making will be.
Do you not finish tasks even though you know that if you did it could propel your business forward?
Do you procrastinate but it’s not because you don’t WANT to do something or are afraid of failing?
Are you easily distracted?
Do things start going really well and then all of a sudden things start going wrong all at the same time?
Fear of success can be HUGELY linked to your money story too.
If you believe that ‘Rich people are bad people’ or anything along those lines it’s really going to get in your way and your unconscious WILL sabotage you because…you don’t want to be a bad person right?
With success comes potential (inevitable) rejection too and maybe even some good old trolls, so if you don’t put yourself out there to be seen by lots of eyeballs then you’ll stay safe right?
A biggie is that you worry about change and fear the unknown when it comes to what it will mean for your life when you’re successful. Your brain loves certainty so it’s obviously going to try and keep you there as best it can.
How can I work out mine?!
There are a few common underlying thoughts that I see come up often with clients that may help you identify your own and a little reframe for each to help you think differently:
What if I get judged by or even lose my friends?
You may think on the surface you’re working towards everything you’ve ever wanted but the reality is not everyone will support you and that’s fine, you’ll learn who your real friends are.
Your relationships will evolve and the RIGHT people will stay right by your side and be proud of you.
There will be people who are jealous, you will highlight things in other people that they don’t like (not everyone would back themselves to do what you’re doing so kudos to you for that!)
You will find new friends, with common goals, interests and values. It can be hard to let some friendships go but don’t be afraid to.
OMG it will be SO much responsibility! And it’s all on ME!
You may unconsciously be concerned about the level of responsibility. Bills to pay, irregular income, no paid holidays.
It’s easy to sabotage your success when on the outside it LOOKS like you’re doing all the things to set you up for success but the responsibility of having your own business can feel heavy sometimes.
For example, you might be delaying registering your business or registering as self employed or VAT registering. All the things that make it REAL. I was DEFINITELY guilty of this one in my first business.
You may even be telling yourself you will have to do ALL the things, the reality is it’s just not true! The more successful you get the more you can outsource and build your team.
Will my family still accept me?
A lot of your unconscious beliefs around success and money will come from your family.
So if you grew up with things like ‘rich successful people are greedy and arrogant’ then why would you help yourself get rich and successful?
You’ve told your brain your entire life it’s not what you want or who you want to be, so you have some serious cognitive dissonance going on where you’re battling what you consciously want against your unconscious beliefs!
If you also believe it’s what THEY will think of you then it becomes easier to see how this could hold you back.
What if I become someone I don’t like?
Similar to the previous point. If you believe that what you’re trying to achieve comes with a potential personality shift for the negative then why would you NOT sabotage your success?
If you believe successful people are greedy, arrogant, have no time and are selfish then of course you’re going to unconsciously get in your way.
Do you have evidence to suggest otherwise? Do you see successful people doing charity work, being kind to others, being generous and humble? Those are the people you need to focus on and remind yourself (and your brain!) of!
Will I still have time to do the things I enjoy, will I have ANY time?
If you believe success is linked to ‘busy-ness’ or has to come FROM it then this one could definitely get in your way.
If you believe that having a successful business means LESS time with your family and loved ones, LESS time with friends, LESS time to be doing the things you love then it would be helpful to nip that in the bud.
It’s like I mentioned before. The more successful you get the more your team can grow so you can work less and earn more.
Delightful, right? Change that story!
There are a TONNE more but these are the ones I see most frequently and until you can identify the unconscious beliefs and habits that are keeping you stuck, you’ll continue to sabotage yourself.
BUT, once you identify them and create that awareness, then you challenge them, reframe them and create NEW beliefs and habits that actually SERVE you…then the whole world opens up to you my friend!
If you got value from this and you know in your gut that now is the time to step up and start rewiring your thinking and changing things for yourself then book in a free discovery call so we can work out what needs to happen to get you from where you’re at right now, to the action taking success you know you can be!! If you want my eyes and ears on YOUR problems I work with people 1:1, through the Proactive Pants Programme and 1:1 full day intensives, stop waiting for if and when and decide to change things now!
Fran Excell, Subconscious Success Mentor – Helping Business Owners Overcome Self Sabotage & Get More Done In Less Time at www.franexcell.com
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