23 ways to increase your self confidence
“Wanting to be someone else is a waste of the person you are.” — Marilyn Monroe
Do you struggle with your confidence?
Do you feel like it holds you back from doing things that you want to achieve?
Going places you want to go?
Guess what…it doesn’t have to stay that way!
You can actually LEARN self-confidence.
How do I know? I did it myself.
What would having confidence allow you to do?
The first time I remember really struggling with my confidence was age 11 and it was a slippery slope from there. I let it dominate my life, I wouldn’t go anywhere by myself, never felt good enough.
When I hit 21, fresh out of university and looking for a new job I was going to interview after interview and not getting anywhere (!) The feedback was always my lack of confidence, that I didn’t stand out, I knew something had to change.
It’s only now, over a decade later, that I actually realise what I did after that realisation.
From that moment of realisation I went on a mission to change things and I actually TRAINED myself to be more confident. I thought It was a classic case of fake it till you make it. I was confident yes…but only in ONE area of my life, my job. So I set about trying to work out what I did, how I did it and how I could learn to do it in other areas of my life.
Here’s a list of all the things I found along the way, through years of trial and error, that may help if you’re struggling.
Push yourself outside your comfort zone.
The more you push yourself through all those uncomfortable little moments the more you grow in confidence. Not taking action creates fear and doubt whereas taking action increases your courage and confidence.
Stay away from negativity.
Analyse who you spend your time with. Do you have friends that always bring you or put you down? Limit your time with them!
Often when we don’t feel confident feeling unprepared or like we don’t know enough lies at the route of it, how can you make sure you DO know enough and you ARE prepared?
Make a list of all the things you are proud of accomplishing.
Go all the way back to school. When you’re feeling like you ‘can’t’ do something look at this list.
Random acts of kindness.
Do something nice for someone else. The sense of appreciation and gratitude you will feel from them will give you a skip in your step in no time and boost your self-worth.
What habits do you have that you don’t like?
Change them, you’re not stuck with them!
Focus on solutions, not problems.
What you focus on grows so focus less on the problem (I’m not good enough, I can’t because…etc) and more about what you can do about it.
Find a hobby.
Something you love doing and are good at. The more areas you can have where you can create a sense of accomplishment the more confident you will feel.
Learn to accept compliments.
Don’t put yourself down when someone compliments you. Force yourself to just say ‘thank you’ because guess what…giving someone a compliment feels good if you don’t accept it you’re taking that feeling away from someone else too!
Set small goals for you to achieve.
The more small things you can achieve the more you grow in confidence. Set some goals and make them specific and give them a deadline.
Identify and become aware of your negative self-talk and thoughts.
The more you’re aware of them the more you can reframe the thought and switch them off.
You may feel ridiculous at first saying affirmations but trust me they work! Write down 3 that work for you and say them every day.
Fake it till you make it.
It’s an oldie but a goodie, not perfect in isolation but a good way to get started.
Visualise yourself where you want to be.
Write it down if you can, getting really clear on who and where you want to be and feel the feelings of being there can be so powerful.
Question your inner critic.
Look for evidence, is there more evidence to support that you aren’t good enough or you are?
Celebrate the small stuff.
Don’t play down things you’re proud of. Celebrate!
Social media declutter.
Turn your social media into a force for good! Delete, unfollow, follow accounts and pages that make you feel good…whatever you need to do to make it more positive..do it!
Write a list of what you do like about yourself.
If you struggle, ask your close friends what they like about you. It can feel awkward to do but so worth it!! Every Time you’re feeling down on yourself, read it!
Stop caring what other people think.
Ask yourself if that person’s opinion REALLY matters!
Think about any areas of your life where you ARE confident.
Get curious about why you’re confident in that area.
Look at criticism and failure as an opportunity to learn rather than something negative.
You WILL grow from it.
If your best friend were you what would you say to them?
Stop being who you think people expect you to be and be who you are!
Don’t try to fit anyone else’s mold, be unashamedly you, there’s only one of you…own it!
Realise that YOU are in control of how you feel. You’re perfect just as you are and don’t need anyone else to validate you.
Here’s a short video of me discussing the topic
If you’re struggling to see the positives at the moment download my FREE ‘Attitude of Gratitude’ daily journal below. It’s based on positive psychology and can help you get back to ‘you’! Just print it out, put it on your bed and spend 5 minutes every evening writing it and see how things start to shift.
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