Why your Fear of Judgement is holding you back
Why your Fear of Judgement is holding you back
Fear of judgement is the NUMBER ONE fear stopping entrepreneurs pushing forward and getting visible in their business.
When I created an online poll asking ‘what is the number one thing holding you back in your business’ by FAR the number one thing that got in people’s way is fearing being judged, or not being liked.
That worry that you might get negative comments online (or offline!) because you’re not pretty enough, too fat, too boring, not good enough – all the things you can be too much or not enough of.
Remember fear at its most basic is False Evidence Appearing Real.
What we fear hasn’t even happened yet, it’s not in the now.
When we imagine the predicted outcome of being judged, or not liked we can get totally consumed by it as if it already IS real. We’re already being judged and that makes us procrastinate and not take action and in turn get frustrated with ourselves and self sabotage in the process.
We feel the same physiological feelings as if this judgement or negative comment had already happened so that makes it feel even MORE real…unless we challenge it.
It got me too!
Fear of judgement or not being liked plagued me for YEARS…decades even!
It stopped me doing SO many things in my first product based business, and honestly was probably part of the reason I quit before I could fail, which DOESN’T need to happen to you.
Fear of judgement made me procrastinate over anything that was ‘putting myself out there’ and it actively stopped me taking action…and drove me a bit mad in the process.
Better to just not be visible than get judged right?
It’s Easy to believe it’s all YOU
The thing is it’s very easy to accept this fear of judgement and lack of self esteem as being ingrained in who we are, and just something that will always be a problem.
But it’s not.
Not by a long way.
I learned to let it go and so can you, you just need to make a few tweaks in your thinking and shift how you see the world and how you see yourself.
We’ve all been there
We’ve all felt ‘judged’ or ‘not liked’ at some point in our lives and it’s a horrible feeling that hugely affects our self-esteem.
But the trouble is our brain remembers that horrible feeling and actively stops us putting ourselves out there ‘on purpose’.
The memory centre of the brain is right next to the fear centre of the brain so as it has ‘remembered’ that horrible feeling so clearly before it will do all it can to ‘protect’ you from having it again, and that’s when you start to hold yourself back.
You get that intense feeling of resistance to putting yourself out there.
(keep on reading below…but if you’re more of a viewer…here you go :-):)
What if you DO get judged negatively?
If you DO get judged negatively one thing I want you to remember is that it’s never actually about you.
It’s actually not anything to do with you at all!
People who judge you are the ones with the issue NOT you.
When you can understand that, it’s much easier to let go.
Look at online trolls. Someone has to be seriously unhappy with their lot and their life to be able to write some of those judgmental things.
They do it to make themselves feel better in some way.
It’s that idea of bringing someone else down so you can stand taller.
Does an online trolls opinion actually REALLY matter? Hell no!
Empathy over anger
If you can try to look at those people with empathy over anger or hurt then it’s not going to sting you anywhere NEAR as much.
A happy, well rounded individual just does NOT behave like that, right?! So feel sorry for them and their miserable life.
A little reframe for you on negative comments is to start looking forward to them.
People often say you’ve ‘made it’ when you get your first troll because you’re standing for what you believe in, you’re polarising.
It means people are listening and are bothered enough to comment in the first place.
You certainly aren’t being ignored anymore! Usually it means they look at you as an ‘influence’ and you’re doing something right!
Learn to laugh at them and really imagine the person on the other side of the negative comment, that ‘keyboard warrior’ with nothing better to do than try and tear other people down. Imagine them as the grouch from sesame street if that helps!
Who is the judge really?
The other thing with judgement is you’re only really afraid of being judged on the things you find yourself judging other people on.
It’s like a negative cycle of judgement that SOMEONE has to quit in order to stop it.
If you judge someone on something, how they behave, how they look, what they’re wearing (or not wearing ha!) you then fully expect to be judged on the same thing.
When you can start to catch yourself in a moment of judgement and stop it, you’ll start to do it less, then you WILL fear it less!
It’s a reflection of OUR OWN insecurities so stop judging yourself and get out of the habit of judging other people that’s really going to help.
It’s often said that the things we don’t like in other people is because we see part of it in ourselves. It’s either a way we WISH we were (so, jealousy that we’re not) or something that is a part of us that we don’t actually like.
Here’s a few things you can do to help
Stop caring, ask yourself if it really matters?
You don’t NEED other people’s opinions to validate you owning your awesomeness as long as YOU believe in what you’re putting out in the world, the fear tends to come when we don’t (so that’s where you need a little work on confidence and self belief).
Create a tribe that DO have your back and surround yourself with people who DO believe in you and help drive you forward, that will help you grow in confidence as you’ll have more people telling you you’re awesome at what you do…which is something we don’t get in our own businesses but we did from our jobs.
Get intentional about not being liked by the RIGHT people.
You’ve heard the phrase ‘your vibe attracts your tribe’ you actively WANT to attract the right people and turn off the wrong ones, if you’re intentional about it it won’t hurt so much.
Are they actually even judging you…or are they actually jealous because they want what you have and don’t have the guts to do what you’re doing?
Ask yourself, what’s the best/worst case scenario if you do/don’t push through this fear of judgement?
Ponder on this…What do you bring into your life by not fearing being judged or not being liked anymore?
Remember these nuggets
Remember that the fear centre in our brains feels like it’s working FOR us but actually it’s working against us.
It’s not being helpful but it really is your CHOICE if you listen to it or not.
Move TOWARDS your fear. It really is the best way to get through it. Acknowledge it and let it fuel you in the knowledge that there is usually something great on the other side of it.
Don’t let it hold you back.
Whenever I feel fear or resistance I push through it because I know the unicorns and rainbows are on the other side. 😉
Understand that it’s part of the process
Something to be aware of with ALL of this is it can and it will make you procrastinate over the things you know you need to get done to get yourself out there and get visible but just can’t seem to make yourself.
The BIGGEST thing I want you to take away from this is this…If people don’t know who you are and where you are and that YOU can solve their problems…then you can’t solve their problems!
Remember you’re the only one that can put your message into the world that somebody else needs to hear right at that time, said by YOU!
It may not feel like it right now but you can 100% retrain your brain to think differently about this. I did it, so can you!
Let’s get you out into that big wide world, doing the thing that only YOU can do!
If you want to explore this further, have any questions or want some accountability then come join me in my private community below or book in a free discovery call here to see if we’re a good fit to work together!!
Fran Excell, Subconscious Success Mentor – Helping Business Owners Overcome Self Sabotage & Get More Done In Less Time at www.franexcell.com
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