Why Does It Always Feels So Hard Making A Change
Why does it always feels so hard making a change
Ever tried making a change or do something new and it feels so hard that you wonder why you’re bothering?
Wondering why other people make the same thing look totally effortless and yet for you…it’s like you’re constantly fighting a losing battle with yourself?
Annoying isn’t it!
You feel oh so very aware of all the things you’re doing wrong that you wonder why you started in the first place.
Basically it feels like a horrible up and down roller coaster type of thing.
Don’t worry, you’re not bonkers.
There are 4 very real and universal stages to learning. Otherwise known as the ‘four stages of competence’ or literally the ‘4 stages of learning’.
Now competence in itself can trigger negative emotions of feeling ‘incompetent’ but please leave all that at the door…because you don’t know what you don’t know!
Which is the first stage.
Unconscious Incompetence. Literally, you don’t know what you don’t know, so you get to live in a lovely blissful little bubble where at this point you have no idea how much you don’t know, or that it’s even necessary for you to know.
You don’t feel overwhelmed, you’re kind of just OK in your lack of knowledge. Because really, why wouldn’t you be?!
The next stage is when it starts to get a bit more icky and WAY outside your comfort zone. CONSCIOUS incompetence.
Here you can be overwhelmed, frustrated, letting in all the self talk about your skill…or lack thereof and you can get really judgy with yourself.
This is the stage where if you’re not really motivated or determined you could very easily just quit. You’ll probably make mistakes (which are a necessary part of the process so you learn what does and doesn’t work). You can lose confidence. It feels hard. It feels yuck. Like you’re never going to be able to do the thing or get to where you want to be. You’re so incredibly aware that you don’t have the skill or know the information yet.
Now, when you know this is where you’re at you can see how easy it could be to reassure yourself that you won’t stay in this stage forever, so the negative self talk gets a little quieter.
Be really kind to yourself in this stage and be positive. It’s so worth it in the end. The uncomfortable feeling means you’re GROWING…it’s a GOOD thing!
The third stage is Conscious competence.
Here you know your stuff, but it’s still a conscious effort to do it. You’re gaining more and more confidence but you still need to consciously remind yourself and run through the process. You need to practice essentially, and there is still a level of ‘effort’ involved. Still a thought process you have to take yourself through to remind you of the steps.
The fourth and final stage that you go into is UNCONSCIOUS competence.
So this is where it gets really cool. You now know the behaviour SO well you do it unconsciously. You’ve created a new habit and you don’t need to even think about it anymore. It’s natural.
BUT the beauty of knowing this process is THAT you know this process…you know what’s coming. You know there’s a light at the end of the tunnel to get you through the conscious incompetence. You get to look forward to the last stage knowing that it will soon become second nature.
The reason I want you to know this is that we can all feel overwhelmed, like we’re not good enough. Like we shouldn’t be doing what we’re doing but when you can accept that you’re new to this, you’re learning and you’re growing and that’s a GREAT thing then you can be kinder to yourself. Not listen to that nasty, mean little gremlin in your head telling you you aren’t good enough.
You will go through these stages in everything you learn. There will always be a stage where you don’t know what the heck you’re doing. But if you stick with it, there will always be the stage where you’re so good at it it’s completely effortless.
Have a think about any times in your life this has been true. Easy peasy example is driving but there will be countless others where you can clearly see each of these stages.
Remember, nobody ever said it would be easy…but it’s worth it!
If you know that now is the time to start changing things for yourself and want to explore this further, have any questions or want some accountability to make sure you’re doing the things you need to then please book in a free discovery call so we can see what needs to happen to get you from where you’re at right now, to the successful business owner you know you can be!!
P.S – Last question…Are you sick of self sabotaging and procrastinating on getting your business going? Would you like to learn some practical strategies to stop you procrastinating WHEN it happens so you can FINALLY get the things you NEED to do DONE? Download my FREE guide below and I’ll show you 5 simple strategies to stop procrastination in its tracks!
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Fran Excell, mindset coach for self sabotaging female entrepreneurs at www.franexcell.com